It used to happen to me very often that when I didn’t do anything “productive”, I felt down and even depressed. I compared myself with all the young people out there who are outside fulfilling their goals and dreams while I’m home, doing anything at all. I spent days, even weeks writing down my feelings, or writing short stories about characters feeling the same way as me. And I thought I wasn’t being productive.
Society tells us if we don’t get out of the couch and do some work we are lazy, or simply want to live maintained by our parents until old. When I talk about society, I’m speaking of my country, perhaps if you’re reading this from The States or France, it is not the same situation there.
When I saw those bookstagram accounts and those Goodreads challenges of more than 50 books and compared to my reading count, I used to cringe and I was angry at myself. Because I’m a reader, and I “should be reading those books” or “I should be posting gorgeous pictures of books” and I felt ashamed when I didn’t have the physical copy of a book and all I had was my kindle. I wanted to be like them and I forgot my essence.
I’m twenty-something years old and by “rules” I should be studying and working in an office. Well, that is not true. It doesn’t mean I’m lazy, it just means I don’t want to be like everyone else. I don’t want to waste my time and my years doing what people spect me to do!
The truth is I used to feel sad all the time because years were passing and I worried about I wasn’t being “productive” when in reality, I was. But my mind was so clouded with other people’s opinions that I couldn’t see it. I wasn’t capable to see that when in those moments I felt down and wrote about my feelings I was creating something. It was only early this year when I discovered I was on the path I wanted to be, I was being creative, productive. I realized I was who I wanted to be, my ideal self. I was a writer. I am a writer. “You are a writer”- I said to myself. It was when with a blindfold on my eyes, I took the leap to self-publish those stories I wrote when I felt down and it became a compilation. And boom it hit me: “You’re doing what you love!”
I felt happy not just because I could monetize that writing, but for the fact, I became what I always wanted to be. And let me tell you something: you don’t have to be an expert to be a writer, or an artist, or whatever you want to do! When you take that idea out of your mind, suddenly you start to understand your potential. And that is priceless.
I’m still a beginner. Not everything is colorful and sometimes procrastination is the answer. I don’t write every day I don’t read all the time. Sometimes I feel like doing nothing at all and it is totally OK! I learned to not judge me when I wasn’t being productive. Productivity isn’t all. Learn to appreciate those moments when you’re feeling down, accept those feelings, learn to know yourself, because you’ll discover you can create magic.